This page was last updated on: September 27, 2001

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Billy's American Pie

As you may or may not know Billy Grant has been flitting back and forth to the USA for the last 2 or 3 years doing contracting work on farms driving combine harvester and the like... he is an excerpt from one of his emails... Well Howdy there pardners, This here's billy with the first installment on the American way of life (in the mid west). This country is seen on television across the globe every day and we don't really get to see the real amrican way of life. People travel to tourist destinations here all the time and still fail to get a feeling for the local way of life. Well I have been living and working in the mid west for the last 3 1\2 months and have happend to notice one or two suttle differences between USA and New Zealand (I know not all of you receiving this are from NZ but just bear with me). *Light Switches: are back to front. The moment you switch your first light switch you notice something wrong. When you turn the light on the room goes dark. When you turn the light off the room becomes light. I believe it has something to do with being in the wrong hemisphere. *Toilets: when flushed the water turns anticlockwise. I'm not sure but I think it turns clockwise in NZ. Also the toilets are completly full of water over here. *Television: a device whose sole purpose is to advertise products to the consumer, with short breaks of entertainment occasionly. *Corn Syrup: A substance found in nearly every foodand drink in USA. Nearly every packaged food with an ingredients list will have cornsyrup in the first 5 ingredients. eg. Coke, mayonaise, icecream, biscuits(cookies), dairy creamer, chippies. all have corn syrup in them. *Identification: nearly every bar will ID every person that walks through the door. I am 27 and have been IDed every time in every bar so far this year and the legal age is 21. I have seen 40 year olds turned away for not having ID. Some places require two forms of ID. *Alcohol: you can buy beer from nearly every sevice station, however it will not be any stronger than 3.2% alcohol. You have to go to a bottle store to get full strength beer. Some counties don't serve full strength beer or spirits anyway. A handle is called a draw, a jug is called a pitcher. *Tax: everything you buy from shops has a price tag on it, just like NZ. However that will not be the price you pay as tax will have to be added when you make the purchase. The rate of tax seems to vary from state to state, and it is usually between 5 and 12 percent. *Imperial measurments: all forms of measurement here are still imperial eg miles/hour, inhes, pounds, degrees farenheight etc. *Driving: well of course they drive on the right hand side of the road and the steering wheel is on the left hand side of the car. There are no round-a-bouts, however they have a four way stop where the first car to stop is the first car to go and the second car to stop is the second car to go, etc. You can turn right on a red light. Cops need a reason to pull you up. I've seen cops telling people leaving bars to get in their car and go home! Just so there is not any comotion outside the bar. *Internet: seems to be very slow and unreliable. With that I will leave you to it and set about trying to send this message, should only take five minutes! See you later Billy. P.S. for those who don't know I am in the US working for a harvesting crew combining wheat, barley, corn, beans, etc. I am cuurnetly in Pierre, South Dakota where we have 15,000 acres of wheat to cut. We should be done in a couple of weeks. The other day we started a paddock that was 500 acres big and it took us about 3 hours to finish. We did have 10 combines all going at once. We had trucks leaving for town every 5-10 minutes with 35 ton of wheat on. We will be in Idaho in a couple of weeks for more harvesting before moving back to Kansas for fall harvest.

Some quick and not so serious summaries of what some of the Hoggets are up to....d you Ratty: Working as an assistant manager for PSIS in windy Wellington - claims he isn't responsible for their shite ads. Played rugby until his team disbanded this year - ended up at lock so says he's a bit tougher now and can actually make as much as one takle a game.... also playing Aussie Rules, had to have his shorts surgically removed 5 times last season and claims to be 'meat and potatoes' man (12th Man fans will know what that means). Muzza: STILL in Palmy... working for CRI (I think?), but has now set the record for the most consecutive years of study by a Hogget 7.5 and counting... last I heard he was playing American football his nickname was 'Killer', he denies this nickname was started by himself to vanquish any negative connotations of his previous nickname "Swotty science nerd". Grover: Back from his OE and livinhg with his partner in Auckland, working for an engineering company or something. Still playing rugby - though has adopted some disturbing Auckland behaviours and can often be seen wearing trendy black clothing and sipping a Chai Latte in Mission Bay  (darling- YEAH RIGHT! Pebbles: Rumour has it he back in the sprawling metropolis of Kotemaori, in the stix of northern Hawkes Bay - where men are men and sheep are scared. Not sure what he's doing (but then neither is he normally) will either be working a his folks or nother farm or some sort of forestry work. Billy Graham: He and Karmen are currently living in the at-least-it's-miles-bigger-than-Kotemaori 'city' of Gizzy (bro). Working for the Gisborne District Council doing coastline protection officer or some other sort of job like that. His job has raised his environmental awareness such that he is totally against GE experimentation and anything which isn't totally good for him and now only eats organic lentils and tofu with his Tui... Spongie: After his superb rugby career (he holds the record for the highest percentage of a career spent concussed while still playing) Spongie decided to hang up his boots - but unfortunately he couldn't reach the wall hook. Now living near Papakura, the big fella has turned down several lucrative basketball deals to continue his career as a FruitFed as a rep in the Counties region. Brucie (the lock) Colgan: Is currently living in the New Plymouth working as a Scientific Officer for the Taranaki Regional Council. Brucie has fallen victim to the bug that many Hoggets have caught in the past couple of years which causes otherwise sane young men to involuntarily blurt out obscenities such as "will you marry me?". His fiancee's name is Briana although they haven't set a date for the big day yet. He's given up the moderate violence of rugby, instead electing to be a Hockey goalie - where the chances of getting hurt are actually far greater (ever been hit by a fast moving hockey ball?). Spencer and Andy Hope: According to our sources, these boys commited the atrocity of becoming teachers, and are now both teaching at New Plymouth Boys' High. Not sure what they're teaching but let's hope any rugby teams they coach don't try to adopt Hogget-style rugby... it was an art form best left to the experts. Richie: Our esteemed captain is also currently in the Naki, working at Riverlands. He's still a surfer and is currently living with his (quote) "sexy Scottish veternarian" girlfriend and is please as he "always aimed to eventually get into vet". Richie is off to Canada next year for some serious skiing (at least I hope that's what he meant by "going there for some white powdery stuff ") Craig: Having successfully screwed Air NZ in his short time there, he fled the country before the shit hit the fan and is now in hiding somewhere in London. He managed to get to the UK fine in spite of leaving NZ only a few days after the WTC attacks, and in spite of his crew cut and goatee making him look dodgier than Ron Cribbs takling technique. Is looking for gameful employment in London, should have no worries getting bouncer's role with his current hairstyle. Greedy: Nige is also in London, working for L'Oreal Ganier - apparently in brand management of some sort. There have been many questions raised in the past about Nigels penchant for makeup, so the quit word is that this must be a dream role for him. Nige originally intended to play rugby over there, a remarkable feat for a man with zero functioning knees... (and zero functioning hands for passing the ball!) Jase: Living as a kept man (for now) in Atlanta,  Georgia in the good ol' USA. Has not been able to work officially, so has of late been helping a gay landscaper out. (no abuse required on my part as I can just hear y'all thinking of some nasty cheap puns already...). Has been going to the gym to get fit as has found some rugby teams in Atlanta - we just hope the Americans don't expect all kiwis to be good at rugby... Blythy: Yes you know you're getting on a bit when your old rugby mates start popping out kids...  last year John Blyth and his partner became the proud parents of a little girl Mia. JB and family are currently living in Auckland and he is working at the Manakau City Council in the Global Information System division. Sound like he's been far too busy to play rugby anymore... Me! (Brucie (the fullback) Harrison): Living in Auckland with partner Janine. Almost by accident managed to end up in the IT industry - some might say I always seemed like a bit of a geek anyway. Not playing rugby as too sensible/too soft/too much of an tossy Aucklander (take your pick) these days. Guys - Those not mentioned above, please email me with what you're up to so I can twist your words and abuse you  (in the nicest possible way of course). Cheers, Brucie

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